The Lifespan of a Fly

Watch Out Billy! Those Are Cannibals
April 9, 2010, 10:33 AM
Filed under: FOOOOOD

So I’m eating lunch right now and I wanted to talk about food. I’m a pretty big fan of food (heeyuk heeyuk) and it doesn’t help that the man I’ve chosen to spend my life with used to cook for a living. Imagine what you would eat if only you could make it. Well, I can. However, about a year or more ago I decided to return to a vegetarian lifestyle, against Mike’s wishes.

Now please don’t think that what happened was I saw too many PETA videos (which are horrendous and cause me nightmares) or that I’ve suddenly become ethical. Don’t worry, I haven’t. Not that I don’t love animals, I do, although cows and horses make me uneasy. It’s almost as if they know that you’re about to exert some power over them that isn’t yours to hold. Anyhow, I sat Mike down one evening and just sprang it on him. “Honey,” I said, “I don’t care what you say, I’m not eating meat anymore.” The shock worked in my favour. My meat-and-potatoes raised man was silent. He stared at me momentarily and murmurred his agreement.

Being a previously spoiled woman whose husband cooked almost every meal for her,this meant I had to learn how to cook. It took a little creativity and a willingness to try different combinations, but I have successfully learned to adequately feed myself. After I conquered feeding time in my own home, another challenge was presented.

I’m out and about (probably shopping) and now I’m suddenly STARVING, chew your own arm off kind of hungry. Parents warily eye me as they quickly shoo their children away , as if I might quickly reach out and snag one of them. So I’m unbelievably hungry, holding bags full of things I bought (I’ve decided I’d rather be shopping), and the only option available to me is fast food. So what can you eat? Well, pretty much nothing. Seriously, you can’t eat anything. No Mickey D’s for you, or any other burger joint for that matter. Which leaves approximately 5% of the food court left for you to choose from. How about Subway? Totally do-able, it’s healthy, it’s fresh etc. So what do I say when my option is Subway? **** That! I want something that tasts like food and I get some curry.

So you meat-lovers can enjoy your KFC and big hunks of bleeding cow. Cherish your veal and lamb, lovingly stocked in the cruelty section at your local grocer’s.

Me? I’ve got my curry.


3 Comments so far
Leave a comment

You and your damn curry.

Comment by J

Lol wierd tannis, and fuck curry.

Comment by poland

HAHAHAHA cruelty section!!! Thats a good one! Anyways, there is NO ethics in life. It’s a dog-eat-dog world, and since im human is a human-eat-everything world. Now, I dont like the farming practices they use, but it wont stop me from enjoying a nice big bloddy guilt-free steak!

Comment by Cedrick

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