The Lifespan of a Fly

I Should Buy Shares In Band Aid
April 21, 2010, 5:55 PM
Filed under: Generalizations

Ever wonder if you’re really just a pawn in the Creator’s main form of entertainment? If the reason for your existence is to perform some function of theatre, be it drama or romance. I’m pretty certain I’m here for the slapstick comedic relief. It’s a running joke with anyone who knows me. I am the clumsiest person I know (ask me what happened when I tried skiing). Hands down, don’t even try to claim the crown. However, I’ve successfully managed to out-do myself.

My day started off uneventfully with a train ride to work, paper pushing, the norm. Lunchtime rolls around and I am thrilled to be off to the park and enjoy the sun for an hour. I go to pull my soup out of the microwave and boiling, scalding hot soup splashes onto the last two fingers of my right hand. Great, my skin is red and tight and almost immediately blisters start forming. There was much ado about nothing, what with bandages and polysporin thrown my way. Nursing my wound (although not my pride, I lost that a while ago), I continue along with paper pushing only to cut myself on one of the metal pins I’m securing papers too. Trying to ignore the blood spurting from my now injured right index finger, I eventually give in and get another bandage. At this point any typing I might try to do would be futile. My fingers will barely bend and I keep missing the letters I am aiming for.

I am at home now and how could there possibly be any more dangers for me to encounter? This is familiar surrounding. This is my turf. When I am here I am the lioness and as the lioness, I must prepare a meal. Sometimes, this is not so easy and after the day I had, something simple seemed in order. I opened the freezer door and (of course) everything fell out. I bend to pick up these items and smashed my head on the bottom of my freezer door. Forcing back the brilliant stars that are appearing in my field of vision, I continue on with my mission: dinner. The pot is filled with water and on the hot stove to boil (yeah, I’m brave, I know) but the real trouble started when I dropped the glass potlid on my tiles and it smashed everywhere (seriously, everywhere).

The glass has been cleaned up and I’ve made it through dinner intact. I’ve decided to read my book tonight, but knowing my luck, I’ll slice an artery open with a papercut and bleed to death.


2 Comments so far
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No self-inflicted injury that you do can surprise me. I lived with you for 18 years – I know the damage you can do to yourself. Years of bruises, hoping social services doesn’t make me explain… How do you explain that your perfectly normal child can’t descend a flight of staires without a tumble, can’t walk out a door without a new forehead bruise.

I still have visions of you tumbling downhill past the whole lot of us at Cheminis Mountain, while we calmly picked blueberries…

Comment by ed

Thats nothing, my claim to fame is that I was the last hockey player in Sudbury not to wear a helmet. The first time I did wear one, I got elbowed so hard in the head,I saw stars for 10 mins…… stupid tall people.

Comment by chris labine

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