The Lifespan of a Fly


Jesus Totally Dug Monster Trucks
May 5, 2010, 6:38 PM
Filed under: Generalizations

What would you do if someone told you they were the Second Coming? What would you think if you met the Messiah? I know what I would do. I would likely buy them a coffee and put a bit of money in the hat they have in front of their cardboard sign asking for change. I’ve seen (and heard) a lot of interesting opinions and theories since working I started downtown six years ago. The Messiah thing? Definitely not original.

So when my friend Janet told me to check out a man named John de Ruiter, the gullibility of some people awed me. Originally an Edmonton shoemaker, John de Ruiter has followed in the footsteps of L. Ron Hubbard (my other favorite lunatic conman) and started a religion. And guess who’s the centre of worship? Thaaaaaat’s right, the “god”, John de Ruiter.

As ridiculous as I may think this is, I have to give the guy credit. He has managed to become a beloved spiritual guru at the expense of his disciples (yeah, that’s what they’re called. I checked this shit out). Seriously, ten of de Ruiter’s disciples funded him financially while he basked in the worship of his followers. So anyhow, de Ruiter has this wife, wait, make that wives. Yup, three of them and two are beautiful, thin blondes. Well, actually I think I should say that he had three “wives”, but now that number has been reduced significantly.

Multiple wives or singular ones, de Ruiter claims that what he teaches is Truth. I don’t know about you, but whenever I see a capitalized concept I get a little apprehensive. That capitalization makes it a little too impressive for me. I wonder if part of that Truth has anything to do with why the members of his church were doing all the work running it as well as financing it while de Ruiter was enjoying himself discovering said “Truth”. What was de Ruiter doing you ask? Working on his monster truck. Didn’t you know that Jesus was really into Monster Trucks? I’m pretty sure that’s in the Bible somewhere. Look it up.

I guess what I’m trying to say is simply enough that having something to believe in can be a wonderful thing. But, if you’re going to take a leap of faith, please consider something that makes slightly more sense than Jello.

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4 Comments so far
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If Jesus drove a monster truck, I’d probably be a believer.

Comment by J

Oh man, I finally proofed that and I profusely apologize. I blame Mike for my lack of spelling and grammar. He wanted to watch a movie. I fixed it. Sorry.

Comment by tlabine246

“…Soon I discovered, that this Rock thing was true, Jerry Lee Lewis was the Devil, Jesus was an architect, previous to his career as a Prophet. All of a sudden I found myself in love with the whirl, so there was only one thing that I could do: was ding-a-ding-dang my dang-a-long-ling-long”
-‘Jesus Built My Hot Rod’ MINISTRY

Comment by Zack

Okay Tannis, since reading this excerpt of yours I just had to check this nut job out… so I did and I read and read materials on this guy and watched retarded videos on him. I think the big fasination for me is because he is from Edmonton and that people are moving here from all over the world just to follow him! Most of all I wonder “why the hell would anyone follow this guy”. I mean I understand “looking for something bigger or meaningful” and for some people religion works, but this guy… seriously!!??!!?? What a nut job. Thanks for mentioning this guy as he is now my most favorite thing to talk about… pure insanity!

Comment by Terrie




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