The Lifespan of a Fly


I always thought that angels were liars
May 19, 2010, 6:00 PM
Filed under: Bad Movies For Everyone

I wonder if he knows Linda Blair?

I called it didn’t I? I warned you that at least once a month I watch a movie that disappoints me to the level where a Bad Movie Review becomes a requirement. Although, on some level, I may have set myself up for failure. In my defence, there wasn’t much to choose from when it came to new releases to watch. Judgment is usually passed when it comes to the reading of the synopsis. If it sounds especially goofy in a radio announcer voice, it probably is. We settled on Legion. Oh well, I’m sure it was the best of the lot.

There were a lot of elements that made this movie into a “bad movie” (as per me). The isolated, failing truck stop in the middle of some stretch of godforsaken highway was one of those elements, so was the fact that Dennis Quaid was the only recognizable actor. I always want to think that his work is well known, and then I realize that I can’t remember a single movie he’s in. If you try to imagine characters cut from cardboard, they were there too:The Tough Father Who Loves Too Much (Quaid), The Young Pregnant Single Girl, The Hillbilly That Loves The Pregnant Girl and so on. Oh! Wait! The Archangel Michael was there to protect the Pregnant Girl’s baby from God who had sent all of his angels there to kill said baby. I guess that’s kind of cool. It was also cool when the Archangel Gabriel showed up to do battle and it was the guy who played Keets on LOST. Yeah, that was my favorite part. LOST is always my favorite part.

And for a movie about a God who wants to kill a baby (I don’t even know how that could possibly be acceptable), it was surprisingly void of violence. Someone got their neck ripped out and were subsequently crucified (fitting), but that was really about it.

Look, if you’re going to make old ladies go crazy and hang upside-down from ceilings, I certainly expect more than some lame neck biting. Locusts that eat your eyes, now THAT would be a nice touch.

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