The Lifespan of a Fly

Bad English For Free
June 7, 2010, 11:00 AM
Filed under: Generalizations | Tags: , , ,

I never, ever, ever wanted to have to do a blog post relating to grammar and the English language. Is there anything more annoying then someone continuously correcting your speech? Yes, there is actually. That would have to be people who understand so little about what the words coming out of their mouths mean, that they decide to alter them for their own selfish purposes. Stop doing that!

Specifically (or pacifically, if you’re speaking to my hairdresser), there was an incident involving “whom”. Why do we even have “whom” anymore? For whom does the bell toll? Who cares? But if we’re going to keep the objective form of “who” then why is it that no one even knows how to use apostrophes anymore? I don’t necessarily mean that they might not understand the difference between plural possessive and singular possessive, I’m talking about the writing community actually considering doing away with apostrophes due to the pure illiteracy of people. No I’m not kidding, I wish I was. To further that point, even my own cell phone doesn’t have any apostrophes. I cannot, regardless of the hurry I may be in, send a text message that looks like “c u nd im” or whatever. Call me anal retentive if you will, but at least I don’t sound like a drooling hillbilly who is in love with his sister-cousin.

So I’m just going to throw a few things out here. First, “irregardless” isn’t a word. “Regardless” means what you are trying to say. Sorry about that. Also, please don’t start sentences with “Needless to say”. If it’s needless to say, than why are you saying it? Please further refrain from using “like you know”… No, I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking you. Commas are not periods. Stop using them that way. If you’re going to tell me a story, I’d like it to have a clear beginning, end and middle. Oh, and for my hairdresser who “pacifically” enjoys my company? I refrained from correcting her there. She had scissors near my ears.

Now I realize my standards may be a little high. I realize I may sound like a raving lunatic with a dictionary. I’m not asking you to become a grammarian, or even a writer. All I’m asking you to do is not use words you don’t understand, and to READ A BOOK once in a while. Like, you know?


2 Comments so far
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Super like. I think this is my favourite yet 🙂 u r amazing 😛

Comment by J

You make me laugh and brighten my day. Thank you Tannis. You rock!!

Comment by Terrie

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