The Lifespan of a Fly

Persistance, it makes sleeping so much better
June 11, 2010, 8:26 AM
Filed under: Generalizations | Tags: , ,

The next six days are going to be hard to survive. Now, Mike and I have been together for six years come June 16. Pretty much that sums up to the understanding we reached with each other. We will only murder one another if there’s any money involved. Luckily for us our lives are secure due to our relative poverty. If you’ve been in a relationship with someone for an extended period of time, then you must know that some battles take a long, long time to win. Last night, I won the longest disagreement of our relationship. The disagreement that has spanned six long, sleepless years.

Yes, that’s right. We bought a new bed. Can you believe something so mundane can make or break you? I tried every tactic I could think of. I tried arguing that we needed a larger one, a queen sized bed. I tried to elaborate my point by rolling on top of him in the middle of the night. I tried elbowing him in the face. None of that persuaded my bull-headed man. Actually, if we had switched bodies for a night, that argument would have worked. Mike’s a “sleep-beater”. Which means that on more than one occasion he’s beat me up in his sleep. One restless night, I fell a sharp pain in my scalp. Mike, sleeping, had grabbed all of my long hair and was yanking my head as hard as he could. I cut my hair off the next day and have not grown it back since.

So obviously, the size of the bed was an issue. Now listen ladies, I’m only going to say this one hundred times. If there’s anything that your husband, boyfriend, fiancée, or girlfriend can’t handle, it’s persistance. Just when they think you’ve forgotten your argument, find another tactic. Start piling crumpled newspaper on their side of the bed. Jump on it a few times and bust the springs. Whatever you need to do to win, DO IT.

The argument has been won. The bed has been bought. Until its arrival, we are both eyeing our current bed with disapproval. Don’t get to comfy you crappy mattress. Your replacement is on its way.


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