The Lifespan of a Fly


‘Tis But a Flesh Wound
June 14, 2010, 10:18 AM
Filed under: Generalizations | Tags: , , ,

Pffft. Men

It might not come as a surprise to anyone that I’ve never grown out of my clumsiness. My poor parents, they tried every reason they could think of to excuse my smashing my head on the stove/falling down a mountain/tripping incessantly. At (nearly) 25 years old, there’s no longer any excuse they can make. All they can do nowadays is shrug and laugh. But my clumsiness is nothing compared to Mike’s.

What is it about men that make them continue to persevere, regardless of how badly they’re injured. I still remember three years ago when Mike quit cooking for a living and started in on carpentry. My phone rang on my lunch break and an oddly calm Mike was on the other end. “Hey sweetheart,” he said. “I just thought I’d let you know that I’m just leaving the hospital right now.” WHAT!? I thought, what are you at the hospital for? “I just cut my hand a bit,” he stated. He went on to assure me that no, I didn’t need to come home. He was OK. Mollified, I returned to work. A few hours later my boss came back from her ritual liquid-lunch. No matter how many liquids she had “lunched” on that day, she shooed me out of the office quicker than you could say “Ouch”, and I headed home to check on Mike.

High on painkillers and bandaged up, I’ll never forget his face (pale and disoriented) when he told me he nearly cut his left thumb off with the table saw. “Wanna look?” he asked. No, no I didn’t. And I never saw his wound till it was nearly healed. Since that occasion, I’ve never taken him at face-value when discussing any newly acquired injuries. “I’m fine,” he’ll say. And then I shove painkillers down his throat. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, well doesn’t that sting like a bitch?

This weekend Mike suffered yet another wound. A mild concussion he received from one of his hardcore mountain bike rides. I tried to make him stay home and rest. Really, I did. I argued that a concussion is a pretty valid excuse to miss a social event. Alas, to no avail. Hell, he even painted a house for a few hours this weekend.

Why must men remind me of the Black Knight in Monty Python’s The Holy Grail? His arms are cut off and spurting blood everywhere (which is slightly orange by the way), and yet he still continues to fight. “‘Tis but a flesh wound” he yells. His legs are cut off and there is only a bloody stump of a man left, yet he continues to hurl insults as King Arthur rides away.

Look, if people are passing out when they see your “boo-boo” it’s IS a big deal. I’ll make you a deal Mike, when you’re armless and legless and still persist in fighting, I’ll videotape it and post it on YouTube ok? Then everyone will know how hardcore you are.

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1 Comment so far
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Love the pic, reminds me of the one from the addams family when Wednesday and pugsley where doing that one scene and soaks the first 2 rows in blood meanwhile the addams’s are just thrilled with the performance

Comment by Dan




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