The Lifespan of a Fly

Sparkle Sparkle

Courtesy of ScrapeTV

So today is my 25th birthday (go me) and instead of writing some emotional post about how getting older is wonderful, I’m going to talk about one of my favorite things ever (I can hear you guys groaning, but stop it. It’s my birthday).

I really want to blame Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight saga for ruining vampires, but she only followed in the footsteps of Anne Rice. A few years ago, when Twilight started to get really big, even for people in the 20’s and beyond, I had a poll: What is more badass? Zombies or Vampires? and I’ll bet you can guess the answer. Yeah it was vampires. Now, two years later, I can finally do my know-it-all dance and chant “I told you so, I told you so, I told you so”. One of the more frightening undead species has been totally destroyed by pop-culture and *gag* romance. And who wins? That’s right, the zombies do.

I think I’d do quite well during the inevitable Zombie Apocalypse. I’m trying to convince my friend to teach me to shoot a shot-gun. Yes, I realize there are bigger, badder guns out there that are quicker to load and have more accuracy from a distance. The reason I want a shotgun during the Apocalypse? I only want to shoot once, and I want that shot to count. Shotguns can do that for you. I have also begun stock-piling canned and dried goods that only require a pot of water and a knife to prepare. I will divulge one thing I’ve learned about survival during the Zombie Apocalypse: always destroy the stairs in a multi-story building. Zombies can’t climb.

I put a few friends to the question again the other day. After much deliberation they eventually came to the correct conclusion. Yes, zombies are totally more badass. They have no emotions or desires. There is no way to influence a zombie. All they want is to eat your flesh. That’s it. Not love, not power. Just bloody flesh that still tastes like the screams of the innocent.

Although J made an argument in favour of vampires. She said “Well, anything can be lame if it sparkles in the sun”. Honestly, I think if I ever saw a sparkling zombie, I’d just assume he’d eaten the make-up counter girl at Holt Renfrew.


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