The Lifespan of a Fly

August 3, 2010, 6:53 AM
Filed under: Generalizations | Tags: , , , , ,

I’m sorry I’ve been a bad blogger recently. I’ve been trying to organize my own wedding for next August and have let myself slip a bit when it comes to writing. But don’t for a minute believe I haven’t been thinking of you. Here’s a few musings to tide you over:

Dogless households – I never know what to do at these houses. You’re eating chips or pretzels or whatever and you drop one on the ground. I anxiously glance around for a dog who’s just waiting outside of the perimeter, as mine usually are, to come in a snatch it up. Unfortunately, there is no dog and I’m left picking up the dropped food items and holding it in my hand as I uncertainly look around to figure out what to do with it. Do I hold it unceremoniously for hours? Do I go on the hunt for a garbage can? Guaranteed I’m going to drop another one. Do I place it quietly down on the coffee table and hopefully remember to dispose of it later? Do I eat it?

Uggs – Yes, I realize these are high-quality expensive winter boots that for some reason are still in style. But do you need to wear them in July? Really?

People named “Jay” – I’m sorry if your name is Jay, but I’m just going to ask one question: Where’s the rest of your name?

Brides-to-be – If you’re dressed up to look like a bedazzled cupcake, I’m not sure if you can get much more “dramatic”. Actually, you look positively scrumptious. Run little girl, run.

Decorative soap – I’m certain this stuff was invented just to thwart me. You enter a washroom and the only soap available is untouched, pristine, decorative soap in the shape of a rose or something. My hands are wet and I quietly debate whether I should use the decorative soap or just pray I didn’t pee on my hands… Decorative soap, you are my nemesis.

Really (I mean really) skinny couples – I just can’t help but stare at them and wonder who will give in first and eat the other.

Magic Mind-reader Rings – I did have one. And then I lost it. Please refrain from giving me telepathic instructions as I am currently incapacitated in that area. Verbal instructions are welcome and will be responded to.


3 Comments so far
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Tannis, I have to tell you congtarualions first. My daughter Tashia just called me to tell me about you being published… wonderful. The other thing I want to say is thank you so much for finding the funny bits in life to make us all wake up and see the humor in things….well done!

Comment by Yvonne Elliott

Yvonne! Thank you for your kind words! I’m really glad that I can make you guys smile. My readers make blogging an enjoyable experience for me. I hope to see you this summer!

Comment by tlabine246

That was suppose to read CONGRATULATIONS! It’s been a very long day already.

Comment by Yvonne Elliott

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