The Lifespan of a Fly

Sharks In Suits Make Great Guests
August 12, 2010, 1:01 PM
Filed under: Generalizations | Tags: , , , , , ,

Possible Wedding Guest? I think Yes

As a child, I had an imagination the size of the continent. That’s probably why I became a writer, because I can always think of something to write about. But more likely than not, it’s probably why I have a good number of irrational fears. I know everyone’s entitled to one stupid phobia, but I sort of have a lot. Way more than one, or two, or ten for that matter. But let’s just list a couple:

– Bugs. All bugs. I’m non-descriminatory when it comes to bugs. Even butterflies ok? They’re just creepy bugs in pretty clothes.

– Mirrors in the dark. I’m always sure that there’s going to be some mirror person standing there waiting to suck me into Backwards Land.

– Relatives. This is too complicated to explain, but let’s just say if you had mine, this wouldn’t be an irrational fear.

– Claymation and Marionettes… Look, I just don’t like them.

– The crawl space. It’s cold and spiders live there.

And finally, I’m scared of sharks. This makes no sense whatsoever since I live in Alberta and the closest ocean is approximately 2,000 kilometres away. Regardless of how many Albertans insist we have “lakes”, we don’t. They’re puddles. But still, sharks freak me right out. Regardless of the body of water I’m in, I’m always certain there’s a shark hiding just out of sight ready to rip my flesh from my bones in a savage, feral feeding frenzy. I blame the 10 minutes I saw of JAWS when I was seven. Thanks Mom and Dad for allowing me to watch horror movies at a young age, it actually explains a lot of my writing.

The point of the above irrational fear description is to prove a point. A friend of J’s once asked me to invite her to my wedding. My thought on that was “Yeah, you’re not on the top of my list of attendees.. actually, you’re not on the bottom of the list either. You’re on the list of Things I Don’t Ever Want Around Me. Actually, you’re listed right before sharks.”

On that note, I would officially like to invite the Sharks to my wedding. There will be fish?


2 Comments so far
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you’re a nut… Dad šŸ™‚

Comment by dad

haha you kill me! I am with u on bugs for sure!

Comment by Lisa

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