The Lifespan of a Fly


Jumping Jacks – Your Arsenal in the War of Love
August 18, 2010, 1:46 PM
Filed under: Generalizations | Tags: , , , , , , ,

Every single couple fights. It’s that simple. From the most romantic, loving couple to the completely dysfunctional (I’m not sure where we fall in, but I’m thinking it’s the latter). When I think about the fights that I had with boyfriends when I was a lot younger I realize that those little squabbles are nothing compared to what a long-term partnership holds in store for you.

I love the women I work with; absolutely, unconditionally. Most mornings contain a narrative of the previous day’s grumbling and grouching and in the end we all roll our eyes and say “men” in the universal language of attached women. Jean and Jane and I all seem to be with the same type of man. Our stories overlap and we wonder what would happen if we put them all in the same room to be “friends”. Likely we’d end up with a Disgruntled Husbands’ Club and some reality TV show would shortly follow.

Jane and her husband fight nearly every morning. Mike and I fight mostly in the mornings. After much consideration, I have suffered an epiphany. I KNOW HOW TO STOP THESE FIGHTS!

When you break everything down to a simplistic level, men only care about three things:
Their Mothers
Food
Sex.

That’s it. Sure, on the surface, the argument may seem complex and unresolvable. Don’t worry, I have the solution:

If you can’t get their mother on your side, or feed them, than distract them with sex. Yes, you read right. Next time Johnny starts in on you about something, hold up one finger and say, “Just wait a minute while I do jumping jacks in my bra”. I’ve tried this. It works.

Your fight can wait ten minutes (it IS the morning after all), and after jumping jacks are completed, your partner will turn to you and say, “I think we were fighting. I guess it doesn’t matter”.

BOOBS! I HAVE FINALLY FOUND A PURPOSE FOR YOU!

~Distracting men with boobs since 2009~

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1 Comment so far
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I just want to say that I snorted because I laughed so hard. I wish I had your talent of words, but since I don’t I will continue to laugh and read yours! Thank you.

Comment by Terrie




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