The Lifespan of a Fly


The Perils of Public Transit
September 17, 2010, 2:28 PM
Filed under: Generalizations | Tags: , , , , , ,

I don’t drive. In theory, I’m an excellent driver. I never make any illegal turns, I’ve never been in an accident, and I know what all those little thing-a-bobbers do. But in practice, I can’t drive… legally. So I take public transit. Many downtown commuters do. It’s easier to read your book while someone else worries about the traffic then getting frustrated because you’ve been stuck at a single light for a half an hour because someone (not me) doesn’t understand the principles of driving.

It seems so relaxing and luxurious, but there are dangerous perils that come with this. J and I love exchanging “weird patron” bus/train stories. I’ve seen a creepy asexual ginger kid get arrested while its friend cried. I’ve seen drunks cutting seats up with pocket knives and drinking/spitting Listerine all over the back and other commuters. These things haven’t daunted me. I am too jaded to be afraid of the bus, no matter how much ghetto-girls try to threaten people. I AM SUPER-COMMUTER!

However, there is one thing about public transit that does completely frighten me. Upon entering the bus/train, one takes a customary glance around, taking in the other patrons who may, or may not, be “safe” to sit beside. There’s the elderly asian lady with all her grocery bags, or the young mother playing games with her toddler. Other people are students or business commuters, or those who are like me, and just too damned cheap and lazy to drive. All in all it seems like a little piece of vehicular utopia. Everyone is content and quiet. Ahhhh

Or so it would seem. I try to pick the “safe” seats, but there’s always that very small (and likely) chance that you will sit in a puddle of urine.

So please, don’t pee on the bus. It’s awkward and I’m scared of your acidic urine eating through my pants and infecting me with whatever you got goin’ on in there. If you must pee on the bus, I’ll ask a favour of you: can you please do it beside the crazy Listerine-drinking, knife-wielding psycho who insists on calling me “Margo”?

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2 Comments so far
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Ohhh Tanis too funny, I take the LRT and have sat in a wet spot which I didn’t notice until my jeans started to get wet. I wanted to burn them after. Suffice it to say, I inspect (and sniff) seats before I sit. On Wednesday, was on the bus and witnessed a crackhead mother smacking her child on the head and almost yanked his arm backwards….Another commuter and I were aghast and discussed the scene and wanted to call Social Services but we didn’t know where the abusive mother’s destination was, and alas, we both had appointments. Public transit can be quite exhausting!

Comment by Lisa

Does the elevator count as public transportation? Because this morning I heard a lady say “They can’t expect me to walk 28 flights of stairs in a fire, I’d rather burn”. Clearly, you’ve never burnt your finger on a frying pan.

Yea, lady… we’ll see.

Comment by J




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