The Lifespan of a Fly


The Shoe Issue
September 23, 2010, 10:40 AM
Filed under: Generalizations

So an update on my shopaholic behaviour is required. I did not end up buying those shoes. Maybe that’s a good thing, since for a week after I wrote that post, J followed me around calling me “Gramma” and insisting that her own grandmother owned the same pair. I know you’re reading this J, and you’re Grandma is cool, so nice try.

Regardless of how hard she tried to dissuade my decision, it didn’t work. Because I’m part donkey and you can’t make me do anything without whipping me a few times. The reason I did not purchase them had nothing to do with name calling, but with a shoe-phenomenon I’ve noticed over the past couple of years.

I used to be a size 8. So average, so normal, so annoyingly common that a few times I’ve seen some kindly looking woman holding the last pair of the very shoes I wanted. Red fury builds inside me as I contemplate football tackling her and wrestling my precious away from her. Anyhow, I don’t beat up old ladies (so that’s out of the question, damn) but I would slip a cute little size 8 on and *gasp* it’s too small!

What the hell! I haven’t grown since I was 14 or so. There’s no way that my feet have grown. Embarrassed, I go for a size 9. Sometimes,that works, but sometimes it doesn’t and I’m left holding a size 10 in my hand and debating the consequences of that purchase.

At least it isn’t only me. As I was trying to shove my (apparently) abnormally large feet into a size 10, another woman was complaining vehemently that she’s NEVER been a size 8 before, she’s ALWAYS been a size 6. I wish I could explain the relief that washed through my body at that moment.

It’s not me! It’s not my big feet! I want to shout and dance and sing around the store. However, that does not solve the dilemma I have found myself in. The size 10 doesn’t fit. Do I try a size 11, actually hope that they even have a size 11, and allow my stubborness to pay off?

Yes, I’m vain. Things like that matter to me. No matter how cute or comfortable they may be, every time I would wear those shoes, all I would be able to think of is “they’re a size 11”.

You Bastards! Yes you! You know who you are!

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