The Lifespan of a Fly


Unravelling Emoticons
September 23, 2010, 9:20 AM
Filed under: Generalizations | Tags: , , , , ,

They hide in the shadows and come out when you least expect them. Don’t feel too safe in your surroundings, because you’re not. Sooner of later, they will get you and when they do, there will be no going back.

Of course I’m talking about emoticons. Those silly little sideways happy faces or high-tech ones that require little imagination and a lot of techie things that require electricity and coding that I can’t begin to understand. For years my understanding of the Internet was akin to my understanding of the Universe: too big to comprehend, but it doesn’t matter cause it’s there anyhow.

“Don’t ever use emoticons,” more than one instructor has informed me, “They’re unprofessional”. Try as hard as we might to eliminate them from professional writing, they still pop up. Emails are particularly bad offenders. I work in an office (when I work) and there are always emails sent around that read a little something like:

“To whoever keeps making a huge mess in the coffee room,
Some of us work really hard to keep it clean and finding bits of dried fish and chicken liver is particularly disgusting. Also, the science projects being kept in the fridge? Those were once lunches and would like to go home soon. CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELVES! :)”

What the hell is that stupid smiley face supposed to mean? That you’re not really mad? Actually this is what it means: You’re an idiot and I had to send out a message to the entire firm so that it seems like I’m bitching at everyone equally. I’m much too passive aggressive to approach you and discuss your slobbish habits so now I’m going to add a smiley face to this message so you don’t stab me in the neck. Thanks.”

Stop hiding behind emoticons! We all know what you really mean.

Ah, who am I kidding? I just really want to see an expired lunch fight. Smelly, and sexy.

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