The Lifespan of a Fly


How to Be Scary on A Budget
October 7, 2010, 8:05 AM
Filed under: Generalizations | Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Normally I don’t blog about holidays because I am possibly the most cynical, unceremonious person you’ll meet. I really hate Christmas for example, and although I do like Thanksgiving, it kinda sucks for me cause no one else is down with tofurkey. Actually, on second thought, even I’m not down with tofurkey. Instead, I celebrate Halloween. It is possibly the most magical holiday there is (made so by the excessive amounts of liquor consumed). So if you’re like me, a starving student (I’m totally serious about the starving part. The only thing in my freezer is a bunch of borscht I made in preparation for the apocalypse. Please, send food), then buying a cool Halloween costume is out of the question.

So I thought I’d share some secrets to making a costume, a la cheap-o:

1. Hit up Value Village or other thrift store, like NOW. Not only do they have new costumes for a lot cheaper than party stores, but you also have the ability to make your own. If anything, you might get a kick out of laughing at used wedding dresses from the ’80’s.

2. Be a Used-Car-Salesman. An old (the older and dirtier the better) dinner jacket. Grease your hair back, grow a sparse moustache and grab all the girls’ asses at the party. Don’t worry, you’re just in character. And really, is there anything more unnerving than used car salesmen? Immediately you grab the nearest rosary and pray for fire.

3. Fake Blood. Possibly the greatest invention ever when it comes to Halloween (or anything really; fake blood always livens up a party). A bunch of fake blood on ANYTHING turns you into a killer cheerleader, dead bride, or accident victim.

4. Thinking about it, an accident victim is a great idea. Find an old bicycle wheel, pull the spokes out and shove it onto your body, splash that fake blood everywhere. Now you are a cyclist trying to get to work in Edmonton. Not an easy feat.

5. Recycle costumes. Trade old ones with friends. No money gets spent and everyone gets a new one to wear.

6. Cardboard boxes. I’m completely serious when I say this. The best costumes I have EVER seen were made from cardboard boxes and markers. Last year I saw a child dressed as a Heinz Ketchup bottle. WAY cooler than any princesses or dragons. So, save up your cardboard boxes.

So anyhow, it’s super easy to be cheap and cool when it comes to Halloween. So any excuses about not having money isn’t acceptable.

Now, to spike the punch……. again….. with blood.

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