The Lifespan of a Fly

Needing Compensation for the Emotional Trauma Suffered by the Loss of a Power Ranger
October 29, 2010, 8:13 AM
Filed under: Generalizations | Tags: , , , , ,
Picture of all five power rangers, circa 2005

Heroes in a half shell! No... wait.. that's not right.

So, a 4-year-old girl is being sued. Or, at least she was four at the time of the incident. A brief summary: while riding her tricycle down the street, she accidentally hit an 87-year-old woman, who suffered hip injuries and sadly passed away 3 weeks later. This is unfortunate and tragic for both families involved. Understandably, the family of the victim wants compensation, but to sue a four-year-old girl for negligence seems preposterous.

But hey, the Judge ruled it admissible. So, in that regard, I would henceforth like to stake my claim against the Brat that stole my pink Power Ranger in grade 3. You know who you are. I have suffered severe mental trauma due to this theft. Your negligence when it came to considering my fragile mental health deems that it must be necessary for me to pursue compensation from you in that respect.

I submit the following quote for consideration of caselaw:

“correctly notes that infants under the age of 4 are conclusively presumed incapable of negligence,” Justice Wooten wrote in his decision, referring to the 1928 case. “Juliet Breitman, however, was over the age of 4 at the time of the subject incident. For infants above the age of 4, there is no bright-line rule.”

I also suggest that we consider this infant child for dangerous offender status. You should see her with K’Nex. She’s deadly.

Ok, so obviously I’m goofing around (my parents never let me have Power Rangers. And if they did, I would have picked the blue one). But I would like to direct your attention to the usage of the word “infant” in the same sentence as the word “negligence”. Are you laughing yet?

I don’t know about you, but when I was four, my only concern was ditching my little brother, watching Sesame Street and being terrified of all strangers (thanks to the 80’s and their introduction of STRANGER DANGER!).

What another blatant misuse of the justice system


4 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I liked this essay Tannis – and yes, we would have let you have a Power Ranger (and yes, you probably would have taken the blue one…).

Comment by dad

STRANGER DANGER! ha ha ha I remember that!

Comment by Terrie

Excellent, you make my distaste for humanity grow with every passing sentence. Love it

Comment by T

T lol I smell Mavis..

Comment by Bill

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