The Lifespan of a Fly

Viva Les Machines!

Friend T is in Calgary right now for some brainwashing, team building retreat. The idea of Friend T on a team is laughable in itself. He’s the first person to express his deep disdain for other people. He just doesn’t like them, or really, humanity in a general sense. So here he is, resisting corporate reprogramming and flanked by grinning fools who just lap up the propaganda like it’s warm milk. And he can’t go home.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Oh, hold on a sec, I have to wipe tears from my eyes…. Ahh, much better.

Now, I think being able to work on a team is an extremely important aspect to having a healthy adult life and career. But I have a problem with corporate retreats like the one Friend T is on. Team mentality is built up through a daily exchange of information and ideas, personal and professional, among co-workers and peers. A sustainable team mentality is not created by having a group of individuals work together to create a meal (what does that even have to do with irrigation?).

What these corporate retreats do is attempt to dislodge any creative, individualistic thought process. You are to be made into a machine. But you’re OK with that; cause you went through team building exercises and now you’re down with signing your soul to the corporate world’s version of Satan Lucifer, Prince of Darkness.

Only by allowing individuals their free thought and creative allowance can we truly change the world. I refer you to Bill Gate and Mark Zuckerberg. Not really “team players” if you know what I mean. Bill Gates spent ages locked in a garage building Microsoft Office. Zuckerberg, on the other hand, created Facebook. And if you watch The Social Network, and read any articles about him, you would know that he’s about two steps left of being a complete douchebag. But! Their creations and technological advances have changed our world (for better or worse in the case of Facebook is debatable), and could not have been achieved if they had allowed themselves to become machines to The Man.

So, on that note, I think corporate retreats should replace pointless team building exercises like meal preparation with something a little more telling about your “team mates”, like paintball.

At least then you’ll know who’s going to shoot you in the back to get ahead.

~Viva La Revolution~


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