The Lifespan of a Fly

Things I would rather do than eat Kashi Honey Sunshine
December 28, 2010, 10:44 AM
Filed under: FOOOOOD, Generalizations | Tags: , , , , ,

Is there anything more nostalgic than a big bowl of cereal? In our house, cereal is a staple. Our cupboard is regularly packed with at least five different types for our consumption pleasure. But since day one, Mike and I can’t agree on what cereal is better. He always picks out the healthy stuff. You know, like shredded wheat and things that horses and grain fed livestock eat. It’s like he believes that the more horrible tasting a cereal is, the more nutrients must be packed in there. Otherwise it would taste good, like, well, the shit I pick. And shit it is. Whatever, nothing compares to Mini Wheats, Corn Pops and Captain Crunch. It is only because of my imposed adult status that I don’t buy things with marshmallows and chocolate in them. Pfft. That’s just discrimination.

So I thought I reached an amicable solution when I discovered Kashi Honey Sunshine – how much happy-slappy crap can you swallow? The box itself was deceptive. On it’s front, a bowl of what looked like “healthy” Captain Crunch floated on a milky ocean, of milk. It is not Captain Crunch! It is a LIE!. Therefore, I have compiled a list of things I’d rather do than eat another bowl of this… this…. yuckiness.

Things I’d Rather Do Than Eat Kashi Honey Sunshine

1. Mud wrestle an angry Mountain Gorilla armed with heat-sensing lasers that can decapitate me.
2. disembowel myself only using a plastic spork.
3. Own a cat.
4. Go scuba diving with Great White Sharks while using a bleeding animal carcass as a buoy.
5. Eat real Chinese food.

Personally, I’d always imagined that sunshine tasted a little like Captain Crunch, and intense esophagal burning.


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I say it again… You’re KooKoo, but I love you!

Comment by dad

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