The Lifespan of a Fly


The Problem with Toothpaste
January 11, 2011, 8:46 AM
Filed under: Generalizations | Tags: , , , , , ,

Yesterday, my brother-in-law and his girlfriend left after a ten-day stint at my house. I love my brother-in-law as if he were my brother and not someone else’s and the few times a year that I get to see him always make me so happy. See he lives about 12 hours away in a much more tolerable climate, which he constantly reminds us of with remarks like “At home, the grass is still green”. Anyhow, this isn’t a post about the weather, although with the meter dump of snow we’ve gotten, I’m sure you could find a few posts about that kicking around.

Now it’s not that I don’t like sharing, and it’s not as if I’m a huge germophobe or anything like that. Hell, if I drop something, and no one’s looking, I’ll eat it if it isn’t full of dog hair or whatever. But while the BIL was staying with us, I was thrust into a subject of consideration against my free will.

What happened was this: they’d been using my toothpaste.

Well doesn’t that just make me sound like a psycho? But see I’ve got a touching issue. I don’t like being touched often or regularly by non-Mikes. It just gives me willies. So when I discovered my toothpaste had been violated, my mind went into hyperdrive.

Sure, it’s not actual touching, but it is indirect mouth-touching. I approached J with this issue because she’s always been either supportive or my neurosis, or she doesn’t laugh too hard at me.

“J!” I moaned, “It’s indirect mouth touching. Oh God! It’s so icky.” Instead of the unwavering support I was expecting, she shot me a skeptical look and informed me that I am icky and am blowing this out of proportion.

So we took a poll of opinions in our respective offices. The results put the toothpaste problem into perspective. About a third of respondents sided with J on the “No Big Deal”, about a third sided with me on the “Super Icky”, and another third felt that “It could possibly be icky, but it’s not that icky”.

But you know what? Screw all of you, I bought my own tube and have placed it in a location akin to Mordor. Judge me not, ye of the toothpaste sharing.

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