The Lifespan of a Fly

5 Good Reasons Why Breasts Suck
January 21, 2011, 6:35 AM
Filed under: Generalizations | Tags: , , , , , ,

How do I actually start this thing? I’m certain I could have had some long intro about beauty and cultural perceptions, but… Wait, actually let’s do a little bit of that. From a young age North Americans are taught that there is only one model of feminine beauty. Women strive, deprive and beat themselves to become that tall, thin woman with the big, big boobs.

And now that we’ve got the background dealt with (although briefly and without much consideration), lets move on to what I really want to touch on. Boobs. Yes, boobs. Just like the curly/straight hair thing, you usually want what you don’t have. Except in this case,no one believes the girls with the big chests.

So today (or tonight since the man cut off our Internet access at work. Touche), I’m going to give you some pretty good reasons why big boobs suck. And suck they do.

5 Good Reasons Why Large Boobs Suck

1. Shirts. a) Those fancy shirts with the line of stitching that’s supposed to run under the breast line and never do. b) button up shirts and c) how no shirts ever fit you both in the waist and then in the chest and you have to take it to the tailor and then it’s not the same shirt anymore.

2. Crumbs. Eating isn’t a lot of fun in a v-neck. Bread is your enemy. It sneaks and infiltrates the bra. Crumbs have an advantage over us in this battle: they are relying on our politeness to ensure that we don’t publicly reach in there and clean them out. Thus establishing our discomfort.

3. Running. If you haven’t had to double-up on the sports bra, or run downstairs in your pajamas, then you haven’t experienced true pain. .

4. Victoria’s Secret. All I’m going to say is you can that you can bat those pretty blue eyes at me all you want, but these C’s don’t fit into B’s and B’s don’t fit into A’s. (on a side note, those pink bags make me feel pretty conspicuous. I may as well run up the street shouting “GUESS WHAT I BOUGHT!”)

5. Back pain. With sincere gravity, allow me to assure you that it is true. But hey, I could bitch about it, but that Atlas dude has it much worse.

I’m not saying one is better than the other. It’s all about preference and the person those boobs are attached to. I just wanted to take this opportunity and explain the other side a little bit more.

Honestly, I’m just jealous that tunic shirts don’t look as cute on me and I’m sick of finding M&M’s in my bra.


2 Comments so far
Leave a comment

OMG Tannis… I am trying hard not to roll over with laughter. You make me laugh with just about every single entry. Thank you. And I do agree with all 5 reasons!

Comment by Terrie

You’re awesome!

Comment by Monique

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