The Lifespan of a Fly

Sometimes it sucks a lot
February 6, 2011, 1:25 AM
Filed under: Generalizations | Tags: , , , , , , ,

Well because the Internet tubes are all backed up by Black Op-ers on this wonderful double point weekend (time to Prestige boys) I’m going to attempt to write this via another method. Forgive me if my autocorrect starts talking about cucumber dirty shoes.

So, my wedding is in six months or so, and as the day gets closet I’ve been thinking about relationships. In 2010 I wrote a post to Sarah. It’s been over a year since we last spoke and I’m still so angry and hurt. I truly have no desire to resume a friendship with her, yet I still have this nagging voice in the back of my head.

What can I say? I’m an impulsive person. So the other day, while at work, I typed an “s” into my email’s To: field. And then I type an “a”. And then her business email came up on my screen. This is my only line of contact with her. I deleted her phone number, removed any Facebook connection, and promptly tried to forget her address to. I wrote it down and took it home. Since, I’ve unfolded it and looked at the yellow post-it for a while until I folded it back up and stashed it away.

But see, I just want to tell her about it. I want to call her and say, “So we are finally getting married. I just wanted to tell you that you should have been there with me. But you aren’t.”

I told Mike about this urge. I also told him that I had no reason to do this, other than spitefulness. I recognize that I wouldn’t be doing either of us a favor if I did.

It’s not like I want to re-build what’s gone. I don’t have the time to invest in friendships that are scrapped. I have a great supportive group of friends I like better anyhow. But it doesn’t change the fact that I just want to say it; for no other reason then because sometimes being the bigger person really, really, sucks.


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