The Lifespan of a Fly

Why Rebecca Black is Cooler Than Us
March 24, 2011, 5:31 PM
Filed under: Generalizations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

1. Seatbelts – She don’t need ’em, and neither do her friends. This is because Rebecca Black is actually a mountain troll from the planet XR3 named Glokurk. She’s cleverly disguised herself as a little girl with little talent. Everyone knows that mountain trolls are immune to physics. All of Glokurk’s other little buddies will go flying through the windshield in a bloody mess. That is only the beginning of Glokurk’s Master Plan to Take Over the World.

2. Which Seat Should I Take? – A seemingly innocent question, but if Glokurk starts debating about seat-options, GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE! What he means to do is open a portal into an alternate Universe; ultimately disintegrating the very fabric of time and space.

3. Braces – Previously super-uncool, now with awesome laser technology, est. 1985. Little did you know that hidden within those pre-teen heads are deadly laser beams that can melt you face off. Beware of face melting. Beware.

4. Rappers – They just add to Glokurk’s street-cred; no lasers or breaking the fundamental laws of the Universe here.

5. Inane Lyrics – It seems like Glokurk is singing about “Fry Day” and “gettin’ down on”, but underneath those redundant, repetitive, yaaaaah‘s and fun, fun, fun‘s are subliminal messages. If you find yourself thinking that Thursday comes before Wednesday, you are at risk for extreme dumbness and possible infiltration.



2 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I’m so glad you wrote this, otherwise I would have had NO idea who the hell Rebecca Black is. Wait a min…

I believe that she wrote this song. No one over 16 years of age could write lyrics that bad. NO ONE!!!!

Comment by dad

You have excellent taste. I’m glad to hear more people are coming around in appreciating Rebecca Black.

Comment by The Good Greatsby

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