The Lifespan of a Fly

Wedding Woes
May 25, 2011, 10:02 AM
Filed under: Generalizations | Tags: , , , , , ,

Ok, so I guess these aren’t really “woes” per se, more me bitching cause I’m sorta tired and I’m getting a little freaked out. The wedding is nearly two months away now, and I should be feeling free, flying, golden, any other sort of adjective. That sorta thing, y’know? But I’m not. The closer the day gets, the more I’m beginning to stress.

I’m not stressing about shit like invitations (sent). I’m not stressing about getting a DJ (done). I’m not stressing about the caterer (yum). I’m stressing about the goddamn pictures and my goddamned fat ass. Ok, so I’m not obese, needs-to-be-carried-out-of-their-home-by-a-crane-while-the-bright-sun-bakes-untouched-skin-while-mom-looks-on-in-anticipation, sorta fat. More like the junk-in-da-trunk sorta fat. But still, it sucks. Now I know my mother is probably going to read this and will send me one of her text messages that says “Get working on your weights”, which I should and have been doing.

I’m afraid of the pictures. For years, I’ve managed to either avoid having pictures taken of me, or have managed to screw up my face in some fashion that makes me hilarious and not un-photogenic. Except this time, I don’t really have a choice in the matter. I have to smile and pretend as if I feel like a princess and not someone who’s been put on display. “Photographer you say? I didn’t even notice.”

I know I’m not supposed to whine on a blog that’s mean to illustrate the small, funny, workings of life and my own miserable failure at nearly everything (e.g. The Revenge Fart). But I’m human, I have insecurities, and, well, it’s my goddamn blog and I will blog what I please, goddamnit!

Ah, that feels a bit better. So while I’m worried about the engagement photos I’ve got scheduled for June 11, I suppose it could be worse. I’ve got a wonderful fiancée/partner/friend in my life. He’s my rock, he’s my balance, he’s my trainer, he’s my lover and my keeper all rolled into one beautiful god of a man. I have a great family who I will miss like shit when they move to Mexico (and simultaneously hate when I’m suffering -40 temperatures). I have great inlaws who for the most part I manage to not fight with too much. And I’ve got amazing friends who are so excited to help out.

It’s just… it’s only…. it’s a lot of pressure is what it is. I wonder… I wonder if I can pick my nose in pictures? And drink beer. Yeah… beer.

Now that’ll feel more like me.


2 Comments so far
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Don’t fear about the fat. When I got married, I was 230 pounds. No shit. All the diets and the workouts in the world couldn’t compare to the magic of that day. When I look through my wedding photos, I don’t even notice my fat. The only thing I notice is how happy I am and how happy Jeff is. If he didn’t care about my fatness, why should i?
Focus on all those wonderful things you said about your future husband. That’s what matters the most.
And yes, you can drink beer in your wedding photos. Trust me on that.

Comment by Anglia

Your gorgeous!!! I’ve always thought that and still do. I’d love to get together soon and talk wedding shop. I know I keep saying that… But let’s do it for real! Have fun with your photos, the more ‘you’ you and Mike are in your pics the better!! Xo

Comment by mlacarte

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